"A romantic she was,but not a pendeja."
- The Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao, Junot Diaz

that wasn’t just a realization but a shift: there were certain ideas about happiness ( both in regards to how the *feeling* manifests and what we do to achieve and sustain it) I had to let go of or at the very least question the root of. There are so many things about sex, companionship, personal progress and on a smaller scale, moments that make every day more dynamic that ended up being so cumbersome to hold on to either ideologically for many, many reasons or it’s pay off or even to a lesser extent what it “signified” about ME as a person who _______TM was not equal to the effort/time/money/other implications in my own present day life. So much of what I desired for myself this last year was heavily dependent on saying NO to a whole host of opportunities/people/things…..

but that’s ok. Declutter so you can accumulate and/or have room to appreciate what you have. Do it all over again in a few months, years, every decade.

my life changed last year when i realized i could give myself the things I desired instead of waiting for someone to facilitate all points of pleasure for me: feelings/experiences/food/travel- the tangible and intangible would be done within my ability to do so independently.  there have been times when others have enabled/supported/funded/granted me the objects of my *desire* — while nice, and always appreciated, it is never needed which in turn makes those moments of give/take even better.

being good to myself this weekend before classes start: expensive cheese, wine, sleeping in, wake n bakin, buying art prints and painting my nails while getting back rubs.